Lobster!

Back from my Maine Vacation!  And what do you do when you're on vacation in Maine?  You eat lobster!  So... much... lobster.  I have to say, by the time we got back, I was really starting to crave a simple hamburger.  Or some chicken wings.  I mean, lobster's great and all, but yeesh.

On the other hand, by the third boiled/steamed lobster dinner, my technique was starting to get pretty polished, so why not share it?

First, address the lobster.  It's just come out of the cooker, so it's likely piping hot.  Actually, this would actually be a really good time to eat some of the coleslaw or other sides that came with the lobster-- dinner rolls and corn on the cob are both popular.  Burned hands are, in the words of the sage, Not Good Eats.  On the other hand, if you're feeling brave, any dismantling you accomplish now will speed the cooling process, so perhaps you might use some paper towels or napkins as an impromptu oven mitt and dive right in.

Grab the body of the lobster with one hand, and the curled up tail with the other.  Twist.  The tail should pop right off.  Be prepared for a certain amount of drainage at this point (and all along, frankly).  The lobster was cooked in water, after all, and some of it stayed in there.  Also, at the point where the tail joined the body, there will be a cavity, and it will probably be filled with a grayish or greenish "goop".  This goop is called tomalley, and it's basically the lobster's internal organs (liver, etc).  Some people love it, some hate it.  Frankly, it doesn't taste like much of anything to me, so I usually just ignore it, and if any of it sticks to the tail it will mostly wash off by dunking in the butter later.  There may also be bright orange stuff-- that means you got a female, and you're looking at lobster roe.  Again, your mileage may vary: eat or not as you like.

Anyway, the next step is to take off the big claws.  If you separate them close to the body, you'll get three segments-- the claw itself, and a couple of "knuckle" pieces.  You should be able to break these segments apart with your bare hands, with a little work.  You've now got 80 to 90 percent of the parts with meat off of the lobster, and they should be nicely cooled down to working temp, so let's get that meat out of the shells.

Pick the tail back up, and rip off the fins at the bottom end.  Make sure to get the entire fan of them.  This will leave a small hole in the bottom of the tail, and if you stick a finger into it, you should be able to push the entire tail section out of the shell in one huge piece.  Done!  Seriously, if you have trouble getting the tail meat out, you're doing something wrong.  Dunk in melted butter (or not) and eat, or set aside for later.

ETA:  I forgot to add-- if you're especially thorough about these things, you might want to devein the lobster tail before eating.  This is just like deveining a shrimp-- the digestive tract for the lobster runs along the back of the tail, and it's usually filled with whatever the lobster was eating in the trap.  If you take one tine of your fork, you can often find the opening at the large/body end of the tail section near the back of the tail, and just run it down the length, pulling outward a bit, splitting the back open in the process.  You might need to open it up a bit further with your fingers, but it should be pretty obvious.  Pull out the tube of grit.

Next, the knuckles.  If you've separated them all, you should be able to use the same basic technique and just poke the meat through with a fingertip, or maybe a disposable lobster fork if you want to try to be neat.

Finally, the claws.  This is often the only part where the cracker is really useful.  First, pull off the bottom part of the pincer, the long skinny piece.  There may or may not be meat in there, depending on size and shape, so look inside-- you may have to fork it out.  Next, take the cracker, and do some damage to the bottom part of the claw (where its "wrist" would be).  After a couple of solid breaks, you should be able to pull that part of the shell right off.  Do the same to the tip.  Then, once again, you can stick a finger or other implement in the tip hole and just poke the claw meat out in one big piece.  Sometimes you might not even need to break the tip, and can work it out from the base, depending on how much shell you removed from the bottom.

At this point, you can decide whether or not to work on the legs, or search for bits of meat in the gills.  It's more for entertainment purposes than for substantial meat, and in my opinion there really is no good technique for it.  Frankly, the most efficient method I ever saw involved taking a rolling pin to the legs and squeezing out the meat like toothpaste, but that's not really practical most of the time.

Enjoy!